Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
