she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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