The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
