Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
