Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
