Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize