she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
