I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Dick very happy bro
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
