Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
