I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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