I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Randomize
