So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize