Yo dont text me then not text me
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
