so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
