I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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