More tranny stories later!
someone threw a dead crab at me
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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