New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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