How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
