I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
