Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize