you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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