Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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