I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
