I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
