the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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