I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Drake has all the answers
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
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