I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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