you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize