How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
