got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
When are your genitals available?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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