Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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