If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
