Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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