cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
