My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
