I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
