i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
