somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
