it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Randomize
