last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
There r osticjed everywhere
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize