I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
