Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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