I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
