i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
