I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
This house was built for laser tag.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
