You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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