I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Houston, we have a blender
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
