I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
