Kiss
Puke
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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