I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
