Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize