remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
