I'm lost and stupid without you.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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