i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
