either way he was missing a nipple.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize