Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
