I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
