my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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