Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
