you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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