Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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