So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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