either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
