I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Randomize
