then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
