ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
