nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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