Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
