If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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