Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
