I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
