I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
