he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
