Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
